I Don’t Want To Believe

Today I’m going to tell you the story of my Grandfather, Wilbert. For all intents and purposes, he took off one day with his chair and one of the end tables for reasons Grandmother Pearl never could fathom.

BUT THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

Upon my last foray into eggnogging, I was brought upon an alien vessel and an attempt was made on my butt. After I fought my way through the aliens I was on my way out when I saw a really fancy looking chair that perfectly matched the one in Grandmother Pearl’s parlor!

So for the official record, I now present the new official story of what happened to poor old Grandfather Wilbert.

Anal Probed 1.jpg

Wilbert was a simple man. He spent his day as a professional cat wrangler for the motion picture industry. It was a tough job, but rewarding, especially when you can herd a whole pack of cats into a corral. He liked nothing more than to listen to the radio and enjoy the company of his faithful companion, Ike.

But his days of relaxation were over because of no good filthy illegals from outer space!

Anal Probed 4
(Dramatic reenactment of abduction)

Grandmother Pearl was devastated, and because Ike was comfy, she never got to sit in the other seat again.

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“I never liked him anyway.”-Ike

Anal Probed 5

What happened after that day we can only speculate. What is know is this. When you are abducted by aliens, you better watch your ass.

Salicity’s Not Your Grandfather’s Wingback Chair (anymore!) is available now at the XXX event open now until February 5th!
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